Gavin: how are we?

It's completely natural that everyone asks us how we are every day. Finding out how we're doing and coping is obviously important to our friends as they love us as much as our family. The trouble is, its difficult to respond with anything more than 'we're fine' because it seems so inconsequential and irrelevant at this time. Truth is we're exhausted. I haven't spent more than three nights in the same bed as my best friend for nine weeks and, considering when something like this happens, all you want to do is discuss outcomes, hopes and feelings with them. Nights at the hospital give you 2-3 hours of broken sleep - but of course you don't mind. The mental strain on how you feel becomes allowable and the constant knot in your stomach is the norm. Talking about anything else seems to be some some of betrayal 'why would you not want to talk about my son!' which obviously is tedious for anyone outside of close friends and family - and frankly, it must be tedious for even them. If you spend an hour with friends you feel guilty. If you miss a call you panic. Never before have I cared so much about poxy phone chargers and I've learnt to text as qkly as n 11yr ld. I've lost a stone which in all honesty is probably a good thing. Ruby seems fine. Although I'm sure pschycologists would be banging down our door and telling us otherwise, her fears are about being away from the family for a night which is entirely understandable and equally manageable. We're keeping a close eye but making sure she thinks Sonny has something like a bad flu. It seems to be working although we never underestimate her intelligence and love for her big brother.

Please keep asking us how we feel as it's important to us to know that you care. But as I say... we're fine. x